On the most certain thing
It’s funny when I now no longer feel I belong to somewhere in this world. The thought of leaving this world and moving to the next ‘alam’ or world is just scary as I’m not really ready… There’s so much to be done yet Shaitan keeps whispering to me to procrastinate. Astaghfirullah, astaghfirullah… :(
But when I lie down on the bed…just before I go to sleep, I kept imagining myself in sheer darkness, 6 feet below with nothing on my body except for white sheets. I won’t be bringing anything with me except for my deeds. My deeds. Are my deeds good enough to even pass the line? Are my prayers and deeds even accepted by Him? Have I been doing things sincerely for Him?
Will my grave be full of light or in the absence of light? Will there be poisonous beings waiting to punish me for my worldly sins? Will I be helped? Will I even have the chance to fulfil half of my deen? Will I even get married? Will I have my own children to recite me Surah Yassin or even Al-Fatihah daily? Will I be able to teach them Islam the right way? Will I be able to pass the Barzah world with ease? Will I be able to even walk on the Sirat al-Mustaqim? Will I? Will I meet the furious-looking face of Angel Maalik or peaceful-looking face of Angel Ridwan? Will I ever get the chance to see and meet Prophet Muhammad SAW and his companions? SubhanAllah..
…that’s just focusing on my own soul… Allah is indeed Extremely Merciful but what about other people? What have I done to my family? Were the things good or bad? What about my close friends? Were they satisfied with me as a friend? What about those friends and colleagues whom I only said hi a couple of times? Or those people who used to be close with me and I did wrongs to them. Or the ones that I talked bad about them without even realising it. Will all of them be able to forgive me entirely? How have I made them feel?
…did I have debts with others? Did I perform my responsibilities in accordance to the tasks and jobs given to me? Did I perform it well?
What about those oppressed people whom I saw on the news everyday? The news have reached to my eyes, to my ears. What did I ever do to help ease their sufferings? Have I made enough du’a for them?…
SubhanAllah, these thoughts really woke me up. I don’t think I’ll be able to procrastinate whenever I have these thoughts. I don’t want to have regrets in the end… The thought of not being able to do things in accordance to Your Words before my final breath just scares me so bad, Astaghfirulllah..
The clock is ticking. Time is of essence. Do it now before it’s too late. Yosh, ganbarimasu!